Freedom

“Take someone who doesn’t keep score, who’s not looking to be richer, or afraid of losing,who has not the slightest interest even in his personality; he is free”

-Rumi

I really am kind of obsessed with freedom. I have to keep reminding myself what true freedom is, and that true freedom is first in ones own mind. Sometimes I want to be resentful and sometimes I want to lie to save my own skin and sometimes I want to use people. Sometimes I let myself be used by folks and I convince myself that I am acting within my rights, that because I have made the decision, I am free.

Today I was reminded that true freedom is also refusing to be caught up in the old and familiar flow of things. I am learning to love change and find joy in not knowing rather than endless sorrow. Every day is a new destination, furthermore, every moment is a new destination.

Ever since I started working I realized that I will always want more, And I will always seek freedom. In my music it manifests when I cant write because nothing sounds new to me anymore, I constantly crave new music and I always have to satisfy that itch within. I am also trying to be free of myself, my learned limitations.

Sometimes, I wonder how I will teach my children nonresistance, that they can do anything and be anything and be happy. Not to struggle through the struggles but let themselves love life always, the ups and downs and the disappointment and believe they are successful. The truth is, I am barely beginning to understand all this, much less implement it.

But I am also yet at the beginning of my life. My life, when everything I do and feel and experience is truly mine. And it should feel good but I just feel dirtier every day but need to remember that it is no body’s fault that I feel that way, I need to shake off the pretensions and be fair to myself and never allow what other do and think affect what I do and think. I need to always act authentically, strive to be better in every moment than I was in the last.