THE JOURNEY LIVE IN ACTION: INTRO

Responsibility- The ability to change your response

Chucks been drilling this in to my brain all year. Then I found myself stuck. It felt like my whole life was a giant pit of sticky sinking sand. I became afraid to move.

I can barely remember it now because i feel like everything has changed since i started this journey. But the pull of complacency is still very strong.

I guess i'll just explain: A few months ago, I was flung in to a state of existential crisis. I remember reading some book, you know one of those old-timey books about everything, i don't recall what it was about but i remember that it was one of those old-timey books about everything; you know the kind with a woven cover that just has a symbol for a title.

Anyway, i was questioning my very existence and I had to keep it cool because i was with someone i so dearly desired to impress. So I was like "keep it cool Beraccah" as I visibly sweated out my anxiety attack trying to figure out how to leave without seeming rude.

That day i realized there was nowhere I wanted to be more than alone and there was nothing I wanted to do more than explode like a dying star and splatter my excellence like shrapnel over everything. I had the question "what the fuck would happen if i was to do exactly what i want to the very depths of my ability?"

First, i realized, something had to change or I had to die, My mental narrative had to change, I had to start telling the truth to myself. I was desperately holding on to the notion that i was living my best life but really i felt so unfulfilled. I hadn't written music that moved me in ages, i was under so much pressure to put out a new record and as my anxieties encroached on me, i fell back on my social commitments, on every commitment except the commitment not to move because if i moved then everything would fall apart.

I was deathly terrified of something i couldn't name. So I decided to sit down and put all these unnameable demons in a song. i wrote "Dirty Job" that day. It said "I'm jealous of the sun, i want to be perennial light, brilliant and bright/ I want to be alone, I want to be safe in the great big arms of the world"

Finally I knew what I wanted. It was just the tip but it was better than nothing. It was better than lying in a dark room every day, afraid of the next day because of everything i failed to do, all the things i wanted to do but felt powerless to accomplish.

I decided to make it happen. In whatever way possible, to seek solitude and sunshine and be with my doggo. So I bought two bags of weed, packed up my hiking backpack and some records and took a shuttle to my farm in Eldoret. My childhood home. My first home in the human realm. When i got there i as surprised that i didn't know what to do with myself. I was still excusing myself for burping and (to my eternal dismay) I was still fully clothed for like the whole first evening of my solo sojourn. I realized I had no idea how to be alone, and that was a massive problem. Its like i was lost without external voices telling me what i should want, who and how i should love, what kind of box to put my music in. I was afraid to be alone because i was afraid of my own excellence.

I spent a week there, eating fresh produce from my farm and grounding myself in the magic of my inner child. That week I made a decision that shifted my mental state, that has brought me to a place of freedom, self-love and empowerment. I decided to have a dream, something I had hardly considered in months.

As a child I dreamed of being a rock-star, i dreamed the life i created for myself and here i was in the place the dream of y life began.

my dream was to go somewhere i had always dreamed of going, i wanted to see something new and i wanted to be surrounded by the energy of magical creatures.

Decidedly so, i picked the mysterious remote islands of Lamu. I had always wanted to go but never been and donkeys represent the most magic to me.

I would go in a month. I created a budget and dedicated my plan to Krishna and it was agreed upon in heaven and on earth.

Lets be clear, this dream began with 0.00kes in my bank and mpesa. As you will read many times in these accounts, i am forever on Krishna's dime.

I ended up in Lamu on October 4th. I remember because I went with my friend and it was his birthday. The fact that the journey began with a birthday is always a good omen. I will tell of my experience in Lamu in a alter post but suffice to say it inspired me to extend my dream to all the places I have never been and to create from a space of honesty and experience.

I want to write music that makes sense to you. That reflects our collective conscious experience. I will die for it if i have to because there's no pursuit except that of my sacred duty. There is nothing that will bring fulfillment to my life except to follow the call of the muses.

This music is a marriage of what happens within and what we experience externally, this music is a door between worlds. And so I challenge myself to travel beyond tat i know in to what you know and what we know and what we don't know.

I am on this Journey to meet you and learn from you all, my Gurus.

Something we don't know is what for,m will truly capture the scale of our journey together. But(and i will explain this in a later post, delicious suspense) I am entering this gate in grace and absolute faith in the abundance that surrounds us all.

Happy transcending and see you out there

Beraccah

Nairobi 28/11/2019